***Story Updated to make it easier to see who the speaker is. Minor changes made only.***

Anti-litigation Charm: I don’t own these characters and I’m poor. Please don’t sue me.

The Tales That Dead Men Tell

You can’t believe your eyes! Just as described, the room is a complete war zone. Over turned caldrons and glass from broken vials absolutely litter the ground. And are those scorch marks on the walls? At any rate, as much as this state of disarray in Snape’s normally fastidiously clean classroom would usually be worthy of a gasp or two, today it’s barely even noteworthy. The real shocker lies in the center of the carnage – and oddly enough, are apparently its originators.

The Potions Master and Gryffindor’s resident Golden Girl are busy snogging each other senseless.

You can’t help but goggle at the entwined pair. He has her pressed against an overturned worktable, but she certainly doesn’t appear to be complaining. Unless one would count her trying to climb up his body like ivy a complaint – but you severely doubt she would. The fact that both of them are still clutching their wands as they cling to each other strikes you as inordinately funny and you can’t help the chuckle that slips out. The fact that neither of them so much as flinches at your quiet snicker is testament to just how wrapped up in one another they are. Normally, these two are the jumpiest witch and wizard you know of.

Shaking your head and swallowing another snigger, you barely resist the urge to drift closer. And even though you know you should leave before you’re discovered, you can’t tear your eyes away. Of all the unlikely couples...You certainly wouldn't have expected this from one of your Gryffindors!

“Still here?” The voice whispering in your ear startles you and you let out a yelp before you can stop yourself. “Bloody hell, man!” The Baron snaps as he clamps a hand over your mouth and drags you through the adjoining wall by your arm before the couple can look up. “Are you trying to get us exorcised?” Shaking his head at you, he tries to peer through the wall only to find it newly warded against intrusion. “Look what you’ve done! Now we won’t get to see the rest of the show!” Sparing a moment to glare at you, he kicks the barrier in frustration. “I knew I shouldn’t have wasted time telling Myrtle...” he mutters unhappily to himself as he slumps against the now-solid wall.

“I never would have thought...” Reseating your head properly after his manhandling, you can't help but sputter suddenly as the reality of the situation sinks in. At the sound of your voice he looks up with a smirk.

“Then you haven’t been paying attention,” he leers. “Albus and I have had a bet running on when those two would crack for the past two years. He thought they’d cave while the good Professor was teaching her Occlumency last year. Fortunately,” he says as he rubs his hands together gleefully, “I figured they’d last at least until she was legal – which was yesterday if I remember correctly. I can’t say I’m really surprised they destroyed half the classroom doing so, though.”

“Then I suppose you’ve won,” you say, slightly flustered that the Headmaster would undertake a wager of that nature.

“At least something good’s come out of this evening,” he says with a sniff as he pushes off from the wall. “Come on, I have some gloating to do and ol’Dumbledore has a bet to settle. It’s been too long since I last had a Solidify charm cast.”

“But I thought you said you’d told Myrtle?” you protest as he drags you toward the Headmaster’s office. “Isn't she coming? Should we warn her about the warding?”

“Oh,” he answers with a wicked grin. “No worries about that - she’s off finding Peeves. You know no one spreads good news like he does.”

You pale at the thought of Snape’s reaction to that bit of unpleasant news. “And you accused me of trying to get us exorcised!”

The Bloody Baron’s only answer is a maniacal laugh you’re certain they can hear all the way up in Gryffindor tower.

Fini.