Standard Disclaimer goes here.

Author's Note: I get more and more blown away by the incredible reviews you wonderful folk leave each chapter! I know this is a short chapter, but it just seemed to be at a stopping place... At least it wasn't a whole week to get a short chapter! LOL Thanks to SnivellusSnape, Laela, and Horserider for their help and thoughtful feedback. *hugs* Hope you all enjoy this bit, and fo those of you who were miserable with the angst, you sould be feeling much better soon. Cheers! :)

Chapter 15- Epiphanies and Elation

Hermione waited for Ginny outside the Great Hall before dinner. She knew she should go in this time, after Ginny’s report at lunch, but she didn’t want to do it alone. She really needed some moral support. She had waited in the shadows to see Harry and Ron go in, and now she was by the notice board.

Snape realized, as he mounted the stairs from the dungeons, that he had not even been to see the notice board for information about rehearsals. He reprimanded himself for neglecting that part of his duty, for, really, what else did he have now, besides his duty? He scowled blackly at the floor as he stomped down the corridor, barely noticing the masses of students who scrambled to get out of his way. Thus, it wasn’t until he was almost to the notice board that he could see the familiar bushy hair amongst the crowd. He stopped stock still. If he had noticed, he might have smirked at the terrified faces of the students who had to spin wildly and run into each other in their efforts to not crash into him.

His mouth went dry and his chest tightened. He focused on keeping his expression blank. He knew he should just walk up to the notice board and look; and it shouldn’t matter that she was there. But, he felt rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but stare at her.

Hermione felt a familiar tingle and turned. Her stomach flipped as she saw Snape standing a few paces away, staring at her. Her face went through a dizzying spectacle of surprise, delight, apprehension, shame, anguish, and longing in just a short moment. She gazed at Snape, unable to look away.

Snape felt a surge of remorse at her puffy eyes and wan appearance. She looks like she’s been crying and hasn’t slept well. Damn it! It’s my fault… Aware that he was on the verge of drawing attention, just standing there, staring at her, he forced his legs to move, closing the distance between them. Gravely looking down into her upturned face, he inclined his head and choked out a gravelly, “Miss Granger.”

Hermione gazed up at him, wondering why he looked so awful. He was usually pale and grim, but his face was more ashen than normal, and he looked drawn, almost wizened. Even his deep black eyes had lost their lively fire. Her heart went out to him, wanting to comfort him. The longing in her eyes intensified as she looked into his, merely saying softly, “Good evening, Professor.”

Snape’s tortured soul faintly perked up at her expression, but he viciously denied the possibility that she really felt that longing for him. His lips twisting bitterly as his teeth ground together, he tore his gaze away from hers to glance at the notice board, taking in the information quickly. As he faced her again, he did something he was not wont to do.

In a faint whisper, he said, “Miss Granger, I would like to apologize for… what happened… last night. It’s entirely my fault. I hope you can believe that I would never intentionally traumatize you in such a fashion. You have my sincere apology, and I hope you can see fit to… consign it to oblivion, if you will. It would be a very damning thing for my behaviour to be bruited about, and I can only appeal to your generosity to keep my… indiscretion between us.”

Hermione gazed at him, taking in his painfully tight expression, his weary, tormented eyes, and the quaver of humiliated entreaty in his whisper. She was aghast. He really thinks I’m upset because of that? Oh, the poor, misled, insecure man! At her realization, her face lit up with an incredulous smile and she let out a small laugh.

Snape’s eyes shot to hers, utterly stunned by her reaction. He hadn’t thought that she could be so cruel as to laugh at him. But her expression was not mocking, it was indulgent and tender. Completely confused, he stared at her, silent.

Hermione smiled warmly at him and murmured, “Professor, I am most certainly not ‘traumatized’ by what happened between us last night.” At that, her face clouded momentarily in remembered anxiety before clearing again to beam at Snape. “I was rather anxious that you seemed so upset, but I just hadn’t had a chance to come apologize to you yet. I’m so sorry I got so… out of hand. And… if you’ll accept my apology, and you’re willing, I’d like to try to practice again. It certainly wouldn’t do to have such a reaction as I did in front of the rest of the cast…” As she trailed off, she blushed and looked down, chewing her lip in embarrassment.

Snape leant against the wall, afraid his legs would dissolve beneath him. A flash of realization and hope whipped through him so forcefully that he felt he might have staggered under it. A dawn of life was breaking over his features. Hermione finally looked back up and saw colour returning to his face, his muscles relaxing, and best of all, the light burning once again in his eyes. He gazed at her in dumb amazement.

Hermione watched him, in wide-eyed wonder, and smiled again. She was startled by a cough near her. She whipped around and saw Ginny standing off to the side, warily eyeing them. Hermione grimaced and flushed again and Snape straightened to his feet, schooling his expression into his customary scowl. He cocked an eyebrow and glanced at the Weasley girl before looking back down at Hermione. His eyes narrowed as he noticed her anxious expression and embarrassed flush. Hermione’s eyes darted all over the corridor, as she greeted her friend.

“Oh, hey Ginny. Um, I was waiting for you.”

“Hello, Hermione, Professor Snape… So, d’you want to go in?”

Hermione flicked a nervous glance at Snape. He, now knowing that he was not the reason for her being upset, was keenly curious about what was bothering her so much. Boring his gaze into hers, he drawled, “Miss Granger, I don’t believe our conversation is complete. You have not gained permission to go.” He turned a cold, dismissive glance on Ginny and said, “Miss Weasley, go to dinner. Your friend will join you when I have done with her.”

Ginny nodded sharply, casting a concerned look at Hermione, before spinning and hurrying into the Hall. Hermione chewed her lip again, looking down. Snape contemplated her for a moment, glaring at the straggling students in the corridor, making them rush past for fear of a scathing reprimand. When the corridor was clear, he stepped a hair closer to her and rumbled, “You’re upset. You claim it’s not because of me. So, what is it?”

Hermione shook her head, not wanting to tell him, she was so ashamed. She couldn’t look at him. Curiosity burning in him even more, he added, “If you won’t tell me, I will be forced to assume that you lied to me,” knowing that would goad the Gryffindor in her.

Hermione looked up at him, agonized with humiliation. But she also couldn’t let him think he was at fault! Stammering, she faltered, “I-I was waiting for G-Ginny. B-Because I couldn’t go in there alone to face him…”

Snape’s eyes narrowed and crackled dangerously. His voice was deep and menacing. “Face whom?”

Swallowing against the lump in her throat, she sniffed and whispered, “Harry. He hates me… after last night.”

Snape’s nostrils flared in alarm. His eyes widened and he clenched his hands. Urgently, he hissed, “Miss Granger, what does he know of last night?”

Hermione realized her mistake at once, and hastily stammered, “N-Nothing! I never told anyone! I wouldn’t! I meant what happened last night in my room.”

Snape blinked rapidly. His fear abated, only to be replaced by jealousy. Bitterly, before he could stop himself, he spat, “So you didn’t mean it when you told him to back off…” He glared at her accusingly, his eyes cold with disappointment and disapproval.

Hermione gasped, “How could you know that?”

Snape drew himself up to his full height, sneering down his nose at her. “I’m not blind and I have ears! I saw you rail at him in this very corridor!”

Jumping on his words, Hermione stared at him, stunned, and said, “You did see us! That’s why you were right behind me when I went in to Dumbledore! But, why did you lie to the headmaster?”

Snape smirked cruelly. “Let’s just say that I was feeling magnanimous after seeing you take Potter down a notch…” Then he frowned angrily. “If I had known how deceitful you were, I would never have even considered it.”

“Deceitful! I never… That’s why he hates me right now!” Her eyes sparked with indignation.

Snape rolled his eyes at her in disbelief, briefly wondering why he was allowing himself to engage in such a confrontation in the corridor. He realized it was because of his recently admitted feelings for her, and the insane jealousy at the thought of her with another, coupled with his inability to regain control of himself after the misery of the previous 20 or so hours. Voice dripping with disdain, he spat, “You would have me believe that he was in your room, and you just reiterated your desire for a platonic relationship? You weren’t this upset before, so why should I think you are being truthful now?”

Hermione felt the shameful guilt well up at his words. She really did feel like she had betrayed him, even though there was nothing—officially—to betray. In a choked, tremulous, whisper, she responded, “I did tell him that he and I would never work. But I had already made a mistake that made my words hurt him even more. I’m hoping he can forgive me.” She paused, then, deciding she had nothing to lose, the plunged on recklessly. “And you should believe me, because… I could never lie to you. Not now.” She took a deep breath and stood as straight as possible, looking up at him, almost defiantly. She stared intently into his eyes.

Snape regarded her through narrowed lids. Should I believe her? I want to, but it’s so hard… And what did she mean she made a mistake and hurt Potter even more? She held his gaze, completely open, hiding nothing. Snape felt the wistful hope and the bitter jealousy burning through him. At his wit’s end, he made a decision, one as reckless as Hermione’s. Opening his eyes wider, he leant toward Hermione and clearly said, “Legilimens.”

He was an accomplished enough Legilimens to not need to actually say the spell, but by doing so, he let her know what she was in for, and gave her a chance to back away. He was taken aback by the way she pulled her shoulders back even more and squarely faced him, clearly evincing her willingness for him to invade her mind, her trust in him. It was almost enough to make him stop. But he was too far gone to turn back now. He was at the point of no return.

Hermione felt the whoosh in her mind again, and realized that he had entered her thoughts before. She let her trust in him take the forefront, followed by the ashamed sorrow at what he was about to see. She plainly displayed the joy she felt in his presence, at his touch. The consuming arousal from kissing him enveloped her again. Then she showed her stunned confusion at him rejecting her, followed by her wild flight to her room. Steeling herself, she replayed the events with Harry, glossing over them quickly, but including the entirety of her rejection of him. She let the humiliation and sadness flow through her, and ended with the tender feelings she had for Snape. When she felt him withdraw from her, she closed her eyes and sighed.

Snape was again shocked by her reactions to him the night before. He had suspected, but refused to believe it. Relief washed over him. A pang of remorse hit him again as he witnessed her confusion and self-doubt at his brusque separation and command that she leave. But then he saw her with Harry, and his jealousy flared up again. As she showed him bits of what had transpired, he felt as if he couldn’t breathe. Fury welled up, and his hands itched with the desire to beat bloody the insolent fool who had dared lay his hands on Hermione. Morbid satisfaction reared its ugly head at her rejection of Harry, but he also felt a twinge of sympathy at her devastated reaction. He understood now why she had been so upset, and how afraid she was at letting him see all of this. He could feel the plea for understanding and forgiveness, as well as her warm, shy, affection as he retreated from her mind. Once firmly rooted back in his own mind, he lifted a shaking hand to shade his eyes, fingers against his brow.

Hermione looked up to see him that way and her breath caught. Oh gods, please don’t let him hate me too! Desperately afraid of what she might see in his eyes, she faintly whispered, “Professor?”

Snape stiffened at her voice. He was waging a war within himself to tear down the barriers and let her in. Hadn’t she proven herself enough to him? He was hurt that she had done anything with Potter, but he forgave her for her lack of control when she let him feel how she had felt after being with him in the dungeon. He could relate, as he was quite bad off himself that night. This is the first time in far too long that anyone has… liked me, wanted to be around me. Stop being a hateful, suspicious old fool and enjoy it!

Slowly, he let his hand drop away from his face, closing his eyes as he set his jaw. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and looked directly into Hermione’s, letting his guard down. She could feel the change in him. The cold, hard wall he kept between himself and everyone else dissolved. Suddenly, she was able to fall into the deep, black tunnels of his eyes, without fear of slamming against a stony barrier and being flung back out. She could sense the pressure he was feeling, but she revelled in being the one to which he would open himself. A reverent, grateful smile spread across her face as she gazed up at him. She could feel her soul start to soar.

Snape’s breath drained out of him as he let himself crawl painfully into the light of Hermione’s feelings. The dazzled wonder in her smile made his chest and throat tighten. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, he ran out of air. Inhaling deeply, his lips relaxed into what wasn’t quite a smile, but was more of a calm, peaceful rest. In a low, gentle, voice he said, “Go in to dinner. Your friends are waiting for you.”

Hermione was slightly crestfallen, but she quickly realized that she had to go in, or it would be suspicious, standing out in the corridor with Snape for so long. Nodding slowly, she stepped back. Once again flashing that dazzling smile at him, she murmured, “Good evening, Professor.” She turned and started toward the doorway.

“Miss Granger!” She spun about quickly. His expression hardened and his voice dropped to a threatening purr. “If Mr. Potter ever lays a finger on you again, rest assured that he will rue the day.” Hermione’s eyes widened and she blinked, nodding carefully. Then, he relaxed back into an almost amused smirk. “Do try not to let him get to you; it doesn’t do to reward childish behaviour.”

Hermione quirked one corner of her mouth and rolled her eyes. “Certainly, sir.”

Snape’s face once again softened, and he surprised Hermione with a courtly bow, followed by a silky, “Good evening… Hermione.” At that, he spun on his heel and strode down the corridor, disappearing in the side corridor to the staff entrance.

With a thrill in her heart and a spring in her step, Hermione entered the Hall, feeling quite ready to face anything, including a sulking Harry and disillusioned friends.

She hurried to the Gryffindor table, keeping her eyes averted until she took the vacant seat next to Ginny. Once settled, she cautiously looked up and saw Ron across from her, with Harry beside him. Ron’s expression was tense, but he offered a noncommittal, “Hi, Hermione.” Hermione flashed him a grateful half-smile. Harry was staring at his plate, still looking rather cross.

Hermione gamely ventured, “Hello, Ron, Ginny… Harry.” Harry didn’t look up, but he jerked—as if he had just been kicked in the shin—and glared at Ginny.

In a tone just above glacial, he muttered a short, “Hi.” It was as if a collective breath had been released among the group. Ginny squeezed Hermione’s forearm under the table and Ron rolled his eyes heavenward in an exaggerated moue of relief.

Satisfied with that progress, Hermione fixed her plate and began eating. Ron, in a rather over-bright tone, started talking at Harry about the Quidditch practice scheduled for right after dinner. Ginny listened for a moment, to be sure he wasn’t going to say anything important, and then turned her attention to Hermione again.

Out of the corner of her mouth, she muttered, “Hey, I told you I couldn’t promise anything.”

Hermione swallowed hastily, coughing a bit as she choked, and retorted, just as quietly, “No! Ginny, you were great! It’s fine, really! I can’t thank you enough.”

Ginny shrugged. Then, she glanced at Hermione quizzically and asked, “So, what was Snape on you about? He was a right royal git in class today.” She scowled in remembered annoyance.

Hermione blinked and hurriedly filled her mouth with another bite of her dinner. “Mmmph,” she spluttered, gesturing at her steadily chewing jaw. Frantically, she cast about for a believable lie. As she finally swallowed, she leant toward Ginny and whispered, “I was supposed to organize and file a bunch of potion ingredients and books in detention, but I didn’t actually finish. Honestly, I didn’t think he would check! But, apparently he did, and he was berating me.” She feigned a long-suffering look.

Ginny squinted at her and continued, “Then why were you smiling when I came up?”

Hermione froze. She felt icy sweat oozing from her pores. Think like a Slytherin! Taking a quick gulp of pumpkin juice, she grimaced. “Oh! That… Can you believe that he started off by complimenting me on how good a job I did? For a moment there, I actually thought he was being nice!” She affected an indignant snort and took another gulp of juice, hoping she was convincing enough.

Evidently, it was passable, because Ginny smirked and huffed, “Prat.”

Hermione closed her eyes a moment in silent relief. She then focused on calming her erratic heartbeat. The rest of the meal passed quickly, with Ron droning on about the practice. Periodically, Harry or Ginny would interject with a salient point, but Hermione just ate quietly, mulling over the implications of her confrontation with Snape. Eventually, the other three finished their dinners, and Harry stood. He gestured to Ron and Ginny to follow him to the pitch.

“C’mon mates, it’s time to get changed.” As they stood, Harry turned marginally in Hermione’s direction and looked at a spot just above her head. With a visible effort, he said, “Bye, Hermione… See you in the common room.” He then spun sharply and stalked out of the Hall. Both Weasleys echoed him as they followed him out, tossing sympathetic and supportive glances at Hermione.

Hermione was both surprised and gratified by Harry’s attempt at civility. She waved at the redheads and turned back to her plate. Sighing in relief, she felt as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Taking the opportunity, she glanced around the Hall, finally coming to the High Table. Snape was there, eyeing his plate as he ate methodically. Hermione felt a surge of happiness just looking at him.

Snape felt the sensation of Hermione gazing at him and fought the immediate urge to look up. Waiting a moment, he casually leant back in his chair, raising his head and looking around. He finally locked eyes with her. Once again, he felt the rush of heady emotions and physical desire course through him. And this time, when he saw the answering fire in her eyes, he believed it was for him.

He tore his gaze from hers and looked back at his plate, reeling from the amazing elation he felt. His voice of reason reminded him that it would be unseemly to allow any inkling of his feelings to show for anyone to figure out. I must talk to her about that as soon as possible. I already put us at risk just speaking with her in the corridor. I can’t take the chance to try to meet her again tonight. I’ll just have to wait until class tomorrow, and hope she can be just as covert. He laughed to himself. Indeed. You have all the training to be inconspicuous. You were the damned spy! How ironic that it may serve me in good stead in this case…

Unwilling to stay in the Hall any longer and chance anyone noticing their exchange of looks, he rose and strode purposefully off the dais and out through the House tables, wanting to pass by her on his way out. As he swept past her, on unbelievably light feet, he felt the hairs on his arm stand up, straining in her direction. Marvelling at how attuned he was to her, he flicked a carefully blank glance at her, seeing her solemn expression belied by her dancing eyes.

As he exited the Hall and made his way back down to his dungeons, he sent a silent thanks to the Ministry and Dumbledore for getting him involved in this whole production, and giving him what could very possibly be his salvation.