“You'd better answer,” whispered Severus.

“Emily wrapped a blanket around herself, waddled to where her wand was on the floor, and then the rest of the way over to the door. After canceling the charm, she opened the door wide enough for her face to show in the crack and said, “What is it Sirius?”

“I thought I heard voices.”

“How much alcohol did you drink last night?”

“Good point.” He was bouncing on the balls of his feet and Emily had not had enough sleep to look at him without dizziness. “Do you have any restorative potion? James needs to pull himself together for his bride, and Peter could use it, too, not to mention Yours Truly.”

“First cupboard in the kitchen, it's well labeled. There should be enough for everyone.”

“And, I hate to ask, but can we use your shower?”

“Yes, and the spare bedroom if you need to. Knock yourselves out.” Emily was feeling magnanimous.

“Thanks, Em.” He looked at her tousled hair, at the shine in her eyes, and at her red and swollen lips. He caught a glimpse of her shoulders above the blanket. “You know, you're ravishingly beautiful in the morning. It's something I wouldn't mind seeing every day.”

“Erm, oh. Is there anything else you need?”

“No, I guess not. Oh, when will you be ready to go to the wedding?”

She blushed. This was neither the position nor the attire she would have chosen for this conversation. “I'm sorry Sirius, but I won't be going to the wedding.”

“Not going? You were supposed to be my date! I'm the best man, I need a date!”

“I'm sorry and I know it was short notice but, well, something came up and I just can't go today.”

“What happened?”

“If you must know, a friend received some horrible news last night and they really need me to be with them all day today.”

“Gee, sorry, is it someone I know?”

“Not really.”

“Well, OK, then. I guess I'll come by later, Emily.” He brushed his lips over hers, eliciting zero response, and went toward the kitchen.

Emily shut and sealed the door behind her, adding a silencing charm. Severus opened his arms to her and she got back into the bed with him.

“Masterfully done. Do you really intend to spend the entire day with me?”

“As much as you are willing.”

“Are you well, this morning?”

“Yes.”

“I worried that I might hurt you.”

“You were so careful of me and I was so carried away by passion that I hardly noticed.”

He squeezed her tightly. “So it was enjoyable?”

“From the first kiss to the last sigh.” She looked at him in some concern. “Did I please you?”

“Oh, Emily, I never realized. There's just one problem.” He smiled at the worry in her face. “I want more.”

In response, Emily rolled on top of him and kissed him. They found a way to pass the time until the others left the apartment to go to the wedding. After that they fixed themselves breakfast, put the apartment to rights, and even spent some time working on their studying. They never strayed long from the bedroom, however. As evening drew near, Severus kissed Emily and bid her farewell.

“Will you be all right, Severus?”

“Yes, Emily. I think I've seen that even if my heart is broken I can still enjoy life. I won't join the Death Eaters.”

“I'm going to break up with Sirius when he comes tonight.”

“Will you be able to do that?”

“Even if I hadn't determined to do so on the basis of his entertainment plans last night, this morning he kissed me and it was like nothing at all. If we really loved each other we would feel something, wouldn't we?”

“I really couldn't say.”

As if to answer a cue, there was a knock on the door, signaling the arrival of Sirius Black. Emily and Severus clasped hands one last time before she opened the door. One gentleman caller left as the other entered her home.

“Emily!” said Sirius as he came into her flat. He leaned down to kiss her but she ducked her head and walked to the door.

“Why don't we sit on my front step?” Emily asked. She sat down and waited for him to join her. He sat down next to her, crowding close. She edged away from him and he moved with her. She gave up, not wanting to be crushed against the railing.

Emily searched for something to say. “So how was the wedding? I bet Lily was beautiful.”

“Of course. The bride was beautiful, and the bridegroom was besotted. The matron of honor was sneering as only Petunia Dursley can do, and the best man came away wishing for his own girl. Em, I was very tempted to try marriage myself. If you had been there, I don't know what I would have done. As it is, I have some hopes for this evening.”

Emily had been quietly forming the words in her mind all the time he had been speaking. There was nothing to do but just say it. “Sirius, we need to break up.”

“Anyway, Em, I was thinking that if we have nothing better on our plates we could even get... Emily, did you just say you want to break up?”

“Actually, we sort of broke up last night, although you may not have realized it.”

“When?”

“When you acted as if I was just a body to you, and then,” she whispered, “when I had someone in my room all night last night and all day today.”

“You? With someone else? I did hear voices.” He looked more puzzled and surprised than angry or jealous.

“Yes.” Emily blushed at what he must have heard.

“You said you had to spend the day with someone who had received some bad news.”

“He did.”

“So you kept him in your bedroom for a night and a day to comfort him?”

“There was more to it than that.”

“Who was it?”

“I'm not telling you.”

Sirius made a guttural sound low in his throat. “How long have you been shagging him behind my back?”

“When have you not been shagging the whole world behind mine?” Emily responded shrilly. Her shoulders sagged and her voice lowered. “Anyway, it's the only time in my life that I've done that. Ever.”

“Your first?” He looked at her appraisingly. “Why him and not me?”

“Your kisses are nice and all, but his made me feel as though I had to be with him, and he was so gentle and considerate of what I was feeling. I wasn't just a body to him.”

Sirius wasn't really listening.

“Do you love him?”

“It's complicated.”

For the first time, Sirius got angry. “It's not that complicated. I've spent almost three years trying to woo you, and I thought we loved each other and now I find that you gave yourself to someone else when I wasn't more than a few yards away. Did you ever love me and do you love him?”

“No and I think I might,” Emily whispered with her face in her hands.

“Do you have a future with him?”

“I think we'll have a sort of future, I'm not sure what.”

“You know I have been dating a good many girls, although I haven't shagged near as many of them as you might think. Emily Smith, you are the only one I wished I could change for. I've often thought that in a few years, when things settle down, I might have wanted to marry you. Perhaps even to have the kids that would overjoy my mother, just so I could raise them to be blood traitors and break her heart all over again. If this other guy doesn't want a future with you, I'd still like to think about it, maybe.”

“I'm sorry Sirius, but after last night it's impossible. I know now, without a doubt, that you and I don't have anything between us.”

“You are absolutely sure?”

“I can't see you any more. I'm sorry.”

“Well, that seems to be the end of it, then.” He got up and walked down the street before Apparating.

“You can come out, now,” Emily said to the odd shaped shadow between two houses across the street.

Severus came across. “That was a touching scene.”

“Please don't mock. He's never sweeter than when I'm telling him off.” She looked up at him. “Old habits die hard?”

“I've always felt like you needed protecting around him. You actually let him down pretty gently, Emily. I hope he knows you mean it.”

“The first crack is there. Now I just need to keep a wedge in.”

He sat next to her. She closed her eyes and drank in his nearness.

“Did you mean what you said?”

She opened her eyes. “About what?”

“Do you really think you might,” he couldn't say the word and searched for another one, “care for me?”

“It's not your problem. I know the score.”

“I'm sorry, Emily. If I didn't know where it would end, I would put my arm around you.”

“Would it be so bad?” She leaned over her legs and stared at her shoes.

“You know I can't see a future for us. Not one that would be fair to you. It's much better not to prolong it.”

She bit the inside of her lip until she tasted blood and nodded. “I understand.”

“I'm sorry, Emily. I would hex anyone who made you cry and I'm afraid it's me tonight.”

She giggled sadly, “You think too much with your wand.”

He chuckled, “I wish I could love you.”

“Why?”

“Because of all the girls I know I think you're the nicest.”

They watched a large black dog walk past. Emily could have sworn it gave them an angry look before sniffing at her dustbin and moving on.

“Are, um, are we on for dinner next week?” Emily tried to add a brighter note to her tone of voice.

“I don't know. It's against my better judgment.”

“Please, Severus, give me that at least. I'm going to be pretty isolated for a while.”

“If it comes to it so am I, thanks to your demands. I'll see you next week then.”

For the second time a gentleman stepped away from her front door and Apparated into the night. Emily sighed at the moon for a few minutes and then went inside. She puttered around, straightening stray dishes and cushions, and then prepared for bed.

As she lay down on her pillow, she remembered the last time she had done so, just a few hours earlier, with Severus's head following her and his lips kissing hers. She recalled the feel of his skin as she ran her fingertips up his arms to clasp around his neck. She turned her head to see the imprint of his head still upon the other pillow.

She told herself that if she had any brains at all she would change the sheets and plump the pillows up. She would take a good cleansing bath, and perhaps fix herself a drink. Instead she let the tears run down her face as she wished with all her heart that Lily Evans Potter had never been born.