Chapter XXX: Leaving the Safe Walls of Hogwarts

Demeter yawned and pulled her cloak tighter around herself, shivering and frowning in annoyance. Surely, it couldn’t be that cold, she chided herself. If she had slept a little more, she wouldn’t be so frozen. But the end of term party in the Gryffindor common room had been far too much fun to go to bed any earlier than two o’clock. And then she and her room mates had lain awake for at least another hour, chatting and giggling, talking about everything from Christmas presents to boys. Hence, Demeter hadn’t slept much more than five hours.

‘I should have let you have a lie-in, little one.’

‘No!’ Demeter protested at once. ‘I can sleep tomorrow and the day after that. I can sleep all the way through to New Year’s if I need to.’ She turned her head towards her mother and winced slightly at the bright light of the midwinter sun. ‘Today is our day. I’ve been looking forward to it for weeks!’

Indeed she had. Ever since her mother had promised her that they would go to Hogsmeade together on the first day of the Christmas holidays, Demeter had been counting down the days. The older students had been boasting so much about their Hogsmeade weekend back in October, showing off their purchases from Honeydukes and Zonkos and Dervish & Bangs, and now Demeter very much wanted to see those shops herself, two years before she would be allowed to visit the village together with her peers. But first and foremost, she was looking forward to spending a whole day with her mother. It had been a while since they had been able to be on their own, without any students or teachers to disturb them.

‘Where will we be going first?’ Demeter wondered. If it were up to her, they’d start at Zonkos, but she wanted her mother to decide.

Morgaine smiled. ‘Well, seeing as one of us missed breakfast ...’

Demeter blushed slightly, feeling as if she had been caught with her hand in the biscuit tin. She had indeed not had the time to eat breakfast. She had set her alarm clock to a quarter to eight, but by the time she had finally been able to make herself leave the warm covers, it had been eight thirty, which had only left her with half an hour to shower and get dressed before meeting her mother in the Entrance Hall at nine.

‘Seeing as one of us missed breakfast,’ Morgaine repeated, picking up her thread again, ‘I’d say we start at Madam Puddifoot’s tea shop. You look like you could do with a scone and a cup of hot chocolate.’

Her mother had the best ideas, Demeter concluded half an hour later as she was sitting in a very comfortable arm chair, warming her cold fingers at a cup of the sweetest hot chocolate she had ever tasted. She was convinced that every sip would cause a cavity in her teeth, but she did not care. She even wondered if she could persuade an elf to ask Madam Puddifoot for the recipe.

‘Eat,’ Morgaine insisted and pushed a plate containing two huge scones, cream cheese and marmalade towards Demeter. ‘You’ll need your strength if you want to do a proper Christmas shopping.’

‘What about you?’ Demeter eyed the cup of herbal tea her mother was clutching with a slight frown. ‘Aren’t you going to eat anything?’

‘I was up much earlier than you, little one. I have had my breakfast.’

Demeter picked up the knife to cut one of the scones in half, glancing furtively up at her mother from under the curtain of her black hair. She hadn’t noticed outdoors in the bright sunlight, but now as her mother was sitting right across from her, Demeter could see that she looked rather tired and that there were dark shadows under her eyes. In fact, she looked as if she as well had been at a party that had gone on for half the night. But somehow, Demeter could not imagine a Hogwarts staff party lasting until the wee hours of the morning. In fact, she had a hard time imagining a staff party at all.

Suppressing a shudder and trying hard not to think about Madam Hooch dancing with Professor Flitwick or, even worse, Professor Trelawney dancing with caretaker Filch, Demeter started questioning her mother about their plans for the holidays. ‘So we’re going to Iceland on January first, right? What are we doing until then?’

‘I was thinking you could spend some days in the library to improve your grades.’

‘What?’ Demeter almost dropped her scone. Improve her grades? Now that was most certainly not necessary.

Opposite her, Morgaine grinned. ‘I’m joking, little one. I know that you don’t need to improve your grades. In fact, I happen to know that you are doing exceptionally well. And that is why I think that you should be the one to decide what we should do on our holidays. As a reward.’

‘Me?’ Demeter asked incredulously. ‘May I decide?’

Morgaine nodded.

‘Can we go away?’

Morgaine seemed to hesitate for a moment, but then she nodded again. ‘I might be able to obtain another Portkey. The one we need to get to Iceland has already arrived.’

Demeter’s mind started to work immediately. There were so many places she wanted to see. After all, she had spent her whole childhood in Iceland. She had not seen anything of the world.

‘We could go to France or Italy. No, let’s go to Egypt. Or Australia.’

Morgaine smiled. ‘Anywhere you want, little one. But choose wisely. We will only be there for a couple of days.’

Demeter abandoned her scones and hot chocolate and started thinking in earnest. Her mother was right, of course. They only had a couple of days, and there was no point in choosing a place where there were enough things to be seen and experienced to keep them busy for several weeks. Better choose a place where they would have time to be with each other and do all those mother-daughter-things they couldn’t do while at Hogwarts.

She was still pondering where to spend the next couple of days while she and her mother strolled up the high street in order to get to Honeydukes and was too absorbed in her thoughts to hear someone call her name. After all, she had not expected someone to do so. But Morgaine had heard.

‘You should say goodbye to your friend, you know,’ she pointed out, nudging Demeter in the side. ‘Otherwise he might not talk to you when he returns in January.’

Somewhat confused, Demeter turned her head in the direction her mother was nodding towards and caught sight of a fairly big group of Hogwarts students, each of them carrying a small travel bag or a backpack. They were, obviously, on their way to Hogsmeade station to catch the train that would bring them to London from where they would travel home to their families. They all waved merrily at Demeter and their Potions mistress and then continued on their way, all except a blond-haired boy. He was carrying a huge backpack and a Gladrags package and seemed to have decided to hang back.

‘Walk to the station with him,’ Morgaine suggested in a low tone, pushing Demeter slightly into the direction of Melvin Riverbed. ‘I’m sure he wants to say goodbye to you.’

Demeter hesitated. ‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’ she asked, eyeing her mother. This was their day, and Demeter was sure that her mother had been looking forward to it just as much as she had. It didn’t feel right to abandon her for Melvin.

‘Go,’ Morgaine insisted. ‘I have some business to attend to which you would find dreadfully boring anyway. I’ll catch up with you at Honeydukes.’

And without giving Demeter an opportunity to protest, Morgaine started walking, passing Melvin, who wished her a Merry Christmas, and then disappeared from sight as she turned a corner.

‘Dress robes,’ Melvin pointed out, indicating the Gladrags package as he approached Demeter. ‘My mother insisted I pick them up on my way to the train. Looks like she is about to throw a fancy New Year’s party again.’ He rolled his eyes and looked somewhat disgusted. ‘I hate those parties. I’m always the only kid there. You cannot imagine how dull that is.’ He paused and smiled. ‘But hey, this year, I might just have a dance partner who’s about my own age and rather good-looking instead of a two-hundred-and-fifty-year-old hag. Do you think you’ll be able to persuade your mother?’

Demeter gave him a puzzled look. ‘Persuade my mother about what?’

‘To come and spend New Year’s with us,’ Melvin explained, still smiling broadly. ‘My uncle said he had asked your mother yesterday over dinner, and she said she would think about it, and ...’ He broke off and blushed. ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed that you want to come.’

‘But I do!’ Demeter burst out. ‘I mean … I’d love to. I just didn’t know. Mother hasn’t mentioned it yet. But she said I could decide where we’d spend the holidays. I’ll suggest visiting you and your uncle.’

‘Maybe you shouldn’t,’ Melvin mumbled, looking down, seemingly very interested in his shoes all of a sudden. ‘If your mother hasn’t mentioned it yet, maybe that means that she doesn’t want to come.’

‘Rubbish,’ Demeter opposed. Why would her mother not want to visit the Riverbeds? After all, she seemed to get along quite well with the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. And she knew that Demeter and Melvin were best friends.

‘She just hasn’t gotten around to mentioning it yet,’ Demeter went on with a determined tone. ‘I was moaning about the weather all the way here from Hogwarts. She hasn’t had a chance to tell me yet. I’ll ask her. I bet she won’t turn me down.’

They walked to the station together, already planning their days and what kind of adventures they could get up to in Estonia, and when Demeter took farewell of Melvin by giving him a peck on the cheek, he once more adopted the colour of an over-ripe tomato. And Demeter smiled. Melvin was just too sweet, and she could think of no better way to spend the holidays than with her best friend. Finally, they would be able to spend time together without people making snide comments or whispering behind their backs. And surely, her mother would enjoy spending time with Professor Riverbed as well. After all, Demeter had noticed that the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher made her mother smile. And a smile, Demeter concluded half an hour later as Morgaine entered Honeydukes, was exactly what her mother needed. It would most certainly soften the deep line between her eyes and bring some colour to her far too pale cheeks.

~ ~ ~
There hadn’t been many people present in the Great Hall as most students had left shortly after breakfast to spend the holidays with their families. So apart from Demeter and her friend Sarah, there had only been two more Gryffindors left in the castle as well as three Hufflepuffs, one Ravenclaw and two Slytherins – namely Argyle Makdoumi and his troll-like sidekick Peter Miller. But still, the elves seemed to have prepared food for about a hundred people, and no one would have been surprised if the big round table, around which the remaining students and the staff had been seated, had collapsed under the weight of the main course. But it hadn’t, not even when Hagrid had climbed onto it in order to recite a somewhat silly version of The Thirteen Witchy Days of Christmas. Minerva had looked scandalised at first, but to everyone’s surprise, she had not scolded Hagrid. Instead, her thin lips had curled into a bemused smile, and Severus had concluded that the staff had most probably had some toddy in the staff room before coming down to dinner, and that said toddy had been strong enough to make even the stern Headmistress unwind a bit.

Two people who – to Severus’ utter annoyance and disappointment – had not unwound, however, had been the ones he cared most about. Sure, both Demeter and Morgaine had been smiling and laughing, pulling crackers and singing carols like everyone else, but Severus had sensed that something had been amiss. And for that very reason, he had not given in to the Grey Lady’s pleading to materialise and join the other ghosts to wish everyone a Merry Christmas. Instead, he had kept hidden some feet away from the table, his eyes firmly on his daughter and the woman he loved.

Morgaine excused herself shortly after pudding had been served, and Severus followed her to her quarters, just to find out that she had known all along that he had been watching her all evening.

‘Just because I cannot see you, does not mean I don’t know you’re there, Severus. You should know that by now.’

Severus nodded. He was aware of this, of course, had been for quite some time. But he still found it peculiar that Morgaine succeeded in shielding her thoughts from him but still managed to keep her mind open enough to sense his presence.

‘Are you going to tell me why you thought it necessary to check up on me all evening?’ Morgaine asked in a light tone, pouring herself a goblet of water and adding some potion to it that turned the water light blue.

‘I would say the reason for me checking up on you, as you put it so nicely,’ Severus started, ‘is the same reason why you are once more taking a Headache Potion.’

‘As you are aware, Severus, I did not sleep too well last night,’ Morgaine responded and emptied her goblet in one go. ‘And besides, have you ever been Christmas shopping with a teenage girl? Do you have any idea how exhausting that is?’

Severus sighed inaudibly. He had been wracking his brains all day, trying to find an answer to the question on how he was going to rectify what he had messed up the previous night. But he had failed, and by the sound of it, Morgaine was not too keen on discussing the matter. So he decided not to mention it either.

‘Is that shopping trip the reason why Demeter had to try so hard to hide the trademark Snape scowl tonight?’ he enquired instead, using a tone that suggested that he was talking about the weather.

‘Demeter isn’t too happy with her mother right now,’ Morgaine pointed out, putting down her goblet.

‘Did she not get what she wanted for Christmas?’ Severus asked, still trying to sound trivial.

Morgaine pinched the bridge of her nose and squeezed her eyes shut for a second. Obviously, the potion wasn’t working yet. ‘Demeter and I have been invited to spend the holidays with the Riverbeds in their manor in Estonia,’ she explained.

‘That is no reason to scowl,’ Severus pointed out, although he had to fight hard not to scowl himself. Who did Riverbed think he was, daring to ask Morgaine and Demeter to spend the holidays with him?

‘It’s a nice gesture,’ Morgaine went on. ‘Demeter and Melvin certainly deserve some time away from their House mates. Their friendship has been tested enough over the last months, but ...’

‘But?’

‘I am not sure I want to go.’ Morgaine let herself fall onto a chair and started massaging her temples with her fingertips. ‘I don’t want to leave Hogwarts.’

Then she lowered her hands and looked right at him, her blue eyes boring into his. And Severus didn’t need to hear her say the words to know that it wasn’t the castle she did not want to leave, but him.

~ ~ ~
Demeter was becoming more like her mother every day, Severus concluded as he watched her pace through the snow covered rose garden. They couldn’t have been more different in appearance, but the way they acted was very much alike. They would both listen to other people’s worries, observe their surroundings with their attentive blue eyes and give a kind smile to whoever needed it. And when they themselves were in dire need of someone to listen to them, they would hide away, stubbornly trying to solve all their problems themselves: Morgaine in her study and Demeter out in the rose garden, where she and Melvin Riverbed had played Gobstones every day right until the first snow had put an end to their games.

‘I know that you’re here, you know,’ Demeter pointed out as she walked by him for the second time, and Severus raised an eyebrow in surprise. First Morgaine and now Demeter? He had once been a master of stealth. Was he now, as a ghost, suddenly unable to sneak up on people without them noticing? Was he losing his touch?

‘It’s always a bit colder in the proximity of a ghost,’ Demeter explained once Severus had materialised. ‘And the air seems to be flickering wherever there is a ghost standing. I have learnt to look out for those signs.’

Severus inclined his head. The girl had obviously done her homework on ghosts. Naturally, really, seeing as she had talked to one – to him – almost on a daily basis over the last four months.

‘I hear you will be spending the holidays in Estonia,’ Severus mentioned suddenly. He knew now that Demeter’s reason for being upset was linked to her wanting to visit her friend and not being allowed to, so he assumed that telling her straight-out would be the right approach. Hopefully, it would make her smile.

Instead, Demeter’s jaw dropped. ‘Will I be spending … in Estonia … but ...’

Severus smirked. ‘Do you not want to go anymore?’ he enquired.

‘What?’ Demeter looked flabbergasted and opened her mouth once or twice without any sound coming out. She seemed more than surprised and slightly confused. ‘Why would you think I was going to Estonia?’ she finally brought forth.

‘I hear you have been invited by young Mr Riverbed.’

‘Well, yes, but …’ To Severus’ annoyance, the scowl returned. ‘I don’t think I will be going.’

‘And why is that?’

‘I don’t think Mother wants to go.’ Demeter bit her lip, almost as if she wanted to keep herself from saying anything more. But she did not lower her head fast enough to keep Severus from seeing her blush.

‘What makes you think your mother does not want to go?’ he asked patiently. Of course, he already knew everything about the conversation Morgaine and Demeter had had over lunch at The Three Broomsticks and that Demeter had not reacted too positively when Morgaine had told her that she would need to think about Riverbed’s offer, but he was curious to hear the girl’s version.

‘Melvin said that his uncle had asked Mother already last night if we’d like to visit them,’ Demeter said, shrugging. ‘But Mother hadn’t said a word about it all morning. And when I asked her … I don’t know … I just think she doesn’t want to go.’

‘Did she say that?’ Severus asked.

Demeter shook her head. ‘No. She just said she’d have to think about it.’

The girl had no idea then. She did not know that her mother was terrified at the mere thought of leaving Hogwarts, of leaving him. She did not know that Morgaine lay awake night after night, trying to figure out a way to be with him again. And she did not know that the only reason why Morgaine had not chosen to join him yet was her reluctance to leave their child behind.

‘Your mother has thought about it,’ Severus declared. ‘And I am glad to inform you that you will be leaving for Estonia after lunch tomorrow.’

That was all the girl needed to know. There was no point in getting her involved by telling her the true reasons behind her mother’s reluctance to leave the castle. Morgaine’s issues were private, and only she could solve her them, hopefully with his help.

‘Remember to pack warm clothes,’ Severus advised. ‘Gloves, coats, warm boots. Do you own a bearskin hat?’

Demeter snorted and seemed about to take her leave in order to go and start packing, but froze. And her grin gave way to a questioning, analysing look worthy of a Ravenclaw.

‘Did you persuade Mother?’ she asked, eyeing the ghost in front of her.

Severus didn’t bat an eyelid. ‘Let us say I pointed out some of the advantages to your mother. You know she has been working hard, and a change of scenery will do her good.’

‘I suppose so.’

They talked for a while about Estonia, and Demeter wanted to know if Severus had ever been there, if he knew any Estonian and if there were any plants growing in Estonia that would be useful in Potion making. Severus answered all her questions to his best ability and taught her to say hello and thank you. But he couldn’t get rid of the feeling that there were other questions burning in his daughter’s mind. However, the girl did not ask, and he decided not to tell her anything.

When the clock struck nine, Severus accompanied Demeter to Gryffindor Tower. He doubted that anyone would deduct House points from her for being out that late, but rules were rules, and they were not to be broken. And no matter how much he enjoyed spending time with his daughter, she needed to go to bed now.

They had already bidden each other goodnight, and the portrait of the Fat Lady had already swung open when Demeter once more turned around to face the ghost of her father. ‘I’ll be missing you,’ she said quietly, not really meeting his gaze. ‘I like talking to you, you know.’

Severus swallowed and felt a strange warmth rush through his ghostly body. And had he still been made of flesh and blood, he feared he would have blushed.

‘You will be missed as well, Demeter,’ he replied, surprised at the slightly shaky tone in his voice. ‘Make sure you have a good time in Estonia, and tell me all about it when you return.’

‘I will.’ Demeter looked up at him and smiled. ‘I will tell you every little detail. I might even send you an owl.’

‘I would like that,’ Severus admitted. ‘I would like that very much.’

‘Goodnight, Father.’

She was gone in a blink of an eye, and the portrait had swung shut long before Severus could find any words in reply to his daughter calling him father for the very first time.