“They doesn't sound at all nice, Severus.” She looked up from the Herbology essay she was recopying.

“It's not that bad, really. I'm going to develop the powers I know I have. And then I'll be able to do things. I'll be part of something important, and some day, we're going to be in charge.” He had a gleam in his eye that was disturbing.

“Severus, I really don't like the sound of it. Honestly, it doesn't even sound like you. You aren't just one of a group, you're supposed to be someone great. I wish you would reconsider.”

“Maybe you should join me, Emily, it will be during the Hogsmeade weekend. We will apparate from town.”

Emily shook her head. “I just don't think I can be part of something like that. I'm supposed to be a healer, like my mum, and work at St. Mungo's. Are you saying we can't study together any more?”

“No, I am supposed to continue my school work and do well on my NEWTs.”

“Are you even that much in love with the dark arts any more? You seem to spend more time trying to figure out how to work counter charms lately than you do creating those new curses.”

“If you are not going to join me in the Death Eaters, is it any of your business?” Emily blinked at him. He looked at her coldly. “I guess I will see you Sunday night.”

Emily looked at him pleadingly, but he turned and left, his robe swirling behind him. There was nothing left to do but pack up her books and leave the library, herself. She walked toward the staircase with a heavy heart.

Sirius met her at their usual place and it was like a breath of fresh air. Emily kissed him with more fervor than had been her wont, hoping he could somehow make her worries about her study partner go away. In response, he kissed her senseless and on this night one of his hands, that was holding her tightly to him, moved gently, almost timidly, to explore the front of her robe. She was shocked at his boldness but found it interesting. She stopped kissing him and looked into his eyes.

For once, he looked a bit uneasy. “I'm sorry,” he said. “I should never have done that. Your kisses, tonight, they just seemed so different, so passionate.”

“I— I got some news today. I guess it's thrown me for a loop.” Emily sat down on a student desk.

“That's OK, Em. I found it to be wonderful. Sometimes a guy likes a girl who will show how she feels.” He was giving her the look that usually melted girls completely, but the mood with Emily seemed irrevocably broken. “Do you want me to walk you to your house, now?”

“Actually, Sirius, would you mind just leaving me here? I'll be fine, and I could use some time to think without the craziness of the common room.”

“Are you sure you'll be safe?”

“Quite.”

“Those Slytherins...”

She sighed. “Nott and Rosier tried to attack me during second year and Severus put them in the hospital wing for a week. They all leave me alone.”

It took him a minute to digest that. “You two go way back.”

Emily shrugged.

He thought some more. “That must have been some pretty sophisticated magic. Second year?”

She shrugged again. “No one knows more about magic than he does, at least, none of the students. He studies hard, when he's not being attacked by your lot. How do you think he comes off so well, when you go after him four on one?”

He shrugged this time. He didn't care and the conversation needed to be steered away from other boys. “You have passions I didn't realize, Emily. I hope you share them with me again.”

She was lost in her own thoughts, so he kissed her, walked to the door, and opened it. “Emily Smith, if I'm not very careful, I think I'm going to fall in love with you.” And then he was gone.

Emily wondered what was the matter with her. Why was it that she only she kissed Sirius that way when she was thinking of Severus? If she hadn't been so worried about Severus it would have been just another snogging session. And what was up with Sirius' hand? Should she have let him do that? Was she a piece of produce that he needed to test before buying? Shouldn't it have felt like something more than that to her?

Suddenly Severus, himself, was there before her, sneering.

“Are you swooning with emotion in response to that declaration?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Someone needs to look after you and see what's going on during your snogging sessions. When you didn't come out with him, I worried. Has he talked you out of your knickers, yet?”

“Lovely way to put it, but no, Severus, he has not. Did you have some sort of timer? After so many minutes, were you going to come in here and start hexing things? Is it really any of your business?”

“Potter meets him here, some nights. He thinks he's so invincible in that cloak that he doesn't check the hallway corners as well as he might.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Since last spring when I discovered he was bringing you in here. They discuss you in lurid detail. He likes dating you because he thinks you're shaped like those girls in the bathing suit ads he loves. Tonight's description was, and I quote, 'like a lingerie model.' Did something different happen tonight?” He peered down at her.

“N—not so very different.” Emily crossed her arms over her chest.

Black is going to talk you out of your virginity and then toss you aside.”

“Do you really think so?” Emily twisted her lip.

“He has as much as said so to Potter.”

Emily was irritated, but it didn't really hurt that much. She still wasn't sure how much she liked Sirius, except when they were kissing. Then she wanted more of something out of it. What Sirius said about the girl showing what she feels was swimming around in her mind. “What if I've already given my virginity to someone else?”

“What?” Severus was looking her all over, calculating.

“I haven't yet, but you seem to value it more than Sirius does. Perhaps more than I do. What if I gave it to you?”

“WHAT?” He took a step back.

“...in exchange for you not becoming one of those Death Eaters?” Emily stood up and walked over to Severus. “I've often wondered, Severus, just as a sort of intellectual exercise, what it would be like to have your hands on me. You have nice hands, you know.”

In for a sickle, in for a galleon, she thought, and reached for his hand. Just touching his hand gave her a thrill. When she placed it where Sirius' fingertips had been probing just minutes before, a jolt of energy jumped between them. Her eyes got wide and sought his, but they were unreadable, perhaps a bit curious. At least Severus didn't pull away immediately. He looked at her and tried to assess what he was feeling.

“Severus, I will do it here and now or where ever, whenever, you ask. Please just don't join the Death Eaters.”

He licked his lips and pulled his hand away. “You ask too much, and you offer far too much, Emily. I— thank you for thinking I'm worth it.”

“Consider it Severus. Just say the word. I'll be waiting.”

“Not if Black has his say about it. He's practically written you into his appointment calendar.”

She shook her head. “I don't know why, because I really like him, but I couldn't do it with him, not any time soon.”

“But you would with me?”

“Crazy, huh?”

“Maybe, if you were Lily...”

“I wish for your sake that I were. I wish there was some way I could keep you out of the Death Eaters.”

“Why do you dislike them so much?”

“They killed my dad for not becoming one. They made it look like a Muggle car accident, but it was them.” She looked up at him. “Don't become one of them. There is nothing you could get from them that you won't do better for yourself.”

“You must be mistaken, Emily. They could not be like that. That you would give so much, though...” For just a moment he pulled her close and hugged her. “Thank you, Emily, you don't know what this means.” For a minute, Emily could see the Severus she had known months before in his eyes. Then she watched his eyes become unreadable and a grimace settle over his lips. “I'll see you on Sunday, then.” He was gone quickly.

Emily pressed her body to the classroom door and listened to his footsteps die away. Then she slid to the floor. She sat there for some time, thinking about the young man she wished she loved and the one with whom she was falling in love. There were some days when she didn't know which was which.