The look in her eyes when he told her that he had not gone through with it was worth the verbal jabs he received around the common room. Then she had to ruin the moment by making that offer, again. He knew exactly how he would kiss her and touch her if he ever took her up on it, but it was not to be considered seriously. His one love was Lily and if he could not be with her, there would be no one.

Still, it was hard to get the idea of Emily out of his mind. She was so fresh and sweet and yet that night she had been almost wanton. He couldn't understand what would cause her to make such an offer. Likewise, he couldn't imagine another single girl he knew, including Lily, who would make that kind of suggestion. Lily would require him to make that sort of sacrifice for her without giving him anything in return.

His next lesson with Dumbledore had been quite difficult. For once he was able to bury his feelings for Lily and he knew that the Headmaster had not seen them. Emily's offer had been harder. Based on the way Dumbledore looked at him over those glasses, Severus suspected that he had not been as successful. The Headmaster didn't ask him about it, but had merely asked if he was having more troubles with the Marauders.

The Marauder front had calmed a bit. Lily had perhaps redirected James, or else he was taking his Head Boy duties seriously. Maybe they didn't seem to have as much time to think up complicated and dangerous pranks because of the studying they had to do this year. With Sirius and now James having steady girlfriends, perhaps much of their time involved trying to be with those girls.

Interestingly enough, Severus felt that Lily could take care of herself on that score. Although he couldn't understand why Lily would date James at all, he knew that she was wise to his tricks and would not fall for them. Emily was behaving much more recklessly these days in his opinion. There was no denying that she had developed quite a figure in the past two years, which no doubt accounted for Black's interest. Severus worried that she had developed an incautious attitude with it.

So far, from the comments he had heard Black make to Potter, Severus knew that if Emily wasn't keeping Black at arm's length, she was at least keeping him at bay so far. It was hard not to notice that Black was running through quite a few of the underclassmen as he waited for Emily, having already gone through all of the willing seventh years. There were many quiet whispers around the school on the subject, as well as some fairly smug looks passed to Emily from the girls Black spent time with. How Emily could stand it, Severus did not know. He only knew that he was now waiting until the last possible minute to join the Death Eaters because it was perhaps the only thing protecting Emily from herself where the tall Marauder was concerned.

---

That winter a man who was known as Lord Voldemort and his followers, known as the Death Eaters, scored a major hit. They destroyed a large building outside of London and killed dozens of Muggles in the process. Since it was daylight, the Muggles didn't notice the fireworks that looked like a skull with a snake in its mouth hanging above the scene, but the Aurors who went to investigate did not fail to notice. Nor did the ministry fail to notice the manifesto delivered anonymously to the front desk, demanding that Muggle born people not be allowed to practice magic. Many of the details were left out of the Daily Prophet, but enough were left in that most of the readers could fill in the blanks if they chose.

During the rest of the school year house rivalries grew worse and worse, particularly between Slytherin and Gryffindor. Outside, the rivalries were between those who believed in pureblood supremacy and everyone else, and these two houses within Hogwarts seemed to have taken those sides for their own. The Marauders went back to their normal levels of pranking and the Slytherins responded with eager brutality.

Emily was awash in doing homework and studying for her NEWTs. She had a fairly aggressive course plan and did not even make it to all the Quidditch games. She didn't bother to go home for the Christmas or Easter holidays and continued her studies.

The rivalries that surrounded Emily only broke into her consciousness when Severus came to their study sessions with the remnants of some injury. She stopped asking what happened when it became clear that it almost always involved Sirius and his friends. Instead, she felt guilty and quietly went over the assignments he asked her to check, trading off with him and taking his advice about her work equally quietly.

On one spring night he seemed to be limping and she couldn't be quiet about it. “Severus, I'm so sorry. I've told Sirius time and again. He's convinced you've gone over to the dark arts completely and his friends think this makes you fair game. He tells me he won't hurt you for my sake, but he's not terribly apologetic when I yell at him about it.”

“You yell at him? About me?” He looked incredulous. “Why would you do that?”

“I can't help it. You're my friend, Severus.” There were tears in her eyes.

His face turned hard as he looked at her. “Why do you still date him?”

She sighed. “His eyes make promises to me and so far his kisses have not delivered. I'm trying to see if they ever will.”

“You haven't—?”

“No, that offer is still very much available to you.” When she put her hand on his, something moved between them.

He pulled his hand away. “You knew that I did not go to Hogsmeade last weekend?”

“I waited for you,” she whispered. “If I saw you, I was going to try one last time, even seduce you if I could.”

He raised a doubtful eyebrow. “You think you can?”

“I know what I felt when your hand was on me. I know you felt something, too.”

He could feel his hand tingle where it had touched her. He rubbed it with his other thumb. “I would feel that way with any girl, I'm sure.”

“Sirius' hands don't make me feel the way yours did. Believe me, he's tried.”

“He touched you there?” Severus looked a different sort of angry.

“Only once or twice, I don't think my yawning encouraged him to continue the practice.”

“There was no yawn with me.”

“No.”

Severus felt a sudden unreasonable anger. “Why do you still see him?”

“No one else wants me.”

“That cannot be true. There must be several...”

“Do you see a line?”

What would it hurt if he did what she wanted? In all honesty, he was getting tired of the pranking. He never liked being the butt of the Marauders' pranks. Truth be told, he liked the dark pranks of his own mates less and less too. There were days when he longed for an excuse to not join the Death Eaters. He loved the dark arts, and he craved power, but not the way the Death Eaters used it.

The answer to his question walked into the library and into the stacks. Red hair, green eyes and perfection summed up the person of Lily Evans. If he were ever to have a chance with Lily, he would have to be as pure of other girls as he hoped she was of other boys.

“Sorry, Emily, I cannot.”

Emily saw what caught his attention and her eyes turned a stormy color he didn't think he'd ever seen before. “If she were that wonderful, how can she have failed to notice that you're not as active in that student group anymore, that you haven't joined the Death Eaters yet, and that you still admire her? How, in the eight or ten years she's known you, can she have missed how your eyes light up at the sight of her? How can she not see how fanciable your lips are, and how romantic your voice is? How can she watch your hands prepare potions or handle a wand and not want those hands on her?”

Severus was taken aback. “Emily?”

She looked horrified by her own forthrightness. “Never mind. I know, Severus, but the offer still stands. I can hold Sirius off as long as you can hold off the Death Eaters.” She had been stuffing her books into her bag, and now stood up and left.

Sirius met her at their usual place and was delighted to see her early.

“Emily!” His smile shone through his whole body, but Emily wasn't up to snogging with him.

“I'm sorry, Sirius, I need to beg off tonight.”

“Has someone hurt you?”

“No, it's a problem I brought onto myself.”

“Want to talk about it? Can I,” he cleared his throat and looked romantically at her, “make it better?”

“That's really sweet, Sirius, but I should go up. I think I need to wash my hair.” She exchanged wits with the Ravenclaw door knocker and went up into the house tower.

“Wow, slammed down, completely.”

“Thanks, Prongs.”

“Do you want the cloak? I'm going to go to the library and wait for Lily.”

“I'll come with you. What do you suppose is up with Emily?”

---

Severus couldn't believe the feeling with which Emily had just addressed him. He felt a little bad for her. Lily was his goddess, but Emily was a good friend to him and he wouldn't see her hurt for anything. Even less did he want to be the source of her pain if that was what just happened.

“Hey, Sev.” Suddenly the goddess was standing next to his table. He stood up and winced as he put weight on his foot.

“The Marauders did that, didn't they?” Surprising how this conversation was starting so similarly to the one he just had. He struggled to keep his face non-committal.

“It's nothing, but please sit down.” His heart skipped a beat when the goddess sat. Emily's chair was not good enough for her, but it would have to do.

“Listen, Sev, I wanted to let you know that I've noticed that you aren't hanging around with those Death Eater wannabes so much any more. Thank you. I always knew you were better than that.”

“It was for you, Lily.” That wasn't entirely true, but it mostly was.

“I wish you would stay away from them because you know that it's right. Emily must have found the right thing to say. I wonder why you couldn't stay away from them back when we were friends...”

“Lily...“ He was going to tell her, now, here, how he felt.

“Listen, Sev, I'm glad for the chance to tell you, before it gets around. James and I are getting engaged. We're moving in together as soon as school ends. I'll be training at St. Mungo's, and James is going to enter the Auror program. Maybe we'll see each other around.”

“Oh, sure, Lily.” Dying must feel like this, he thought. He didn't think he was breathing and he knew his heart had stopped.

Lily felt that she had a good conversation with him. She failed to notice the stricken look on his face and that she had ripped his heart out as surely as if she had summoned it. She patted his hand and got back up. “It's great talking to you, again, Severus.”

“Yes, Lily.”

“Well, see you in class.”

“Good evening, Lily.”

Severus watched as Lily walked out of the library and offered her lips to Potter. The door shut and he was alone with his reflections. Emily had said something that he should recall, but first he had to sit here long enough for his heart to start beating again.