Disclaimer: Except for some OCs, the characters here and the world they inhabit are the creation and property of JK Rowling. This chapter takes place within the time line of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

Severus awoke to find that Emily had laid out clean clothing for him. The letter and picture he had found at Grimmauld Place were on his nightstand. Picking them up, he found the other objects he kept in his robe, including a picture of his own bride on her wedding day, looking radiantly beautiful. He picked that one up and kissed it.

“Nice save.” Emily was standing in the doorway with a tray of food for him, smiling.

He gave her half a smile back. “I carry you close to my heart. This other... I needed something, anything, that would give perspective to the madness I've become part of. It's not much...”

Emily was laying out his dinner on a small table in their room. “I know that.” There was a time when she would have been horribly jealous, but today he needed every comfort and any consolation that would help him recover from what had happened and enable him to continue what he must do.

“Emily, I need to leave, soon. You are in danger if I stay here, and I'm supposed to be in hiding with the others. They'll be interested enough in how I managed to get clean clothes and a decent meal.”

“You think Narcissa Malfoy hasn't looked out for her precious boy today?” Emily asked before she relented. “Do you want dinner or me?”

“How hard would it be to talk you out of your knickers?”

“I'm not wearing any.”

“Then I can take my dinner.”

This time he was still hesitant but was clearly regaining his confidence. Afterwards they were relaxing for a few last precious minutes when Severus turned his wife's face to look into his eyes. “Emily, he feels that his victory will happen soon. He means to bring you into his plans again.”

“You mean for an heir?”

“There's something he plans to do after Harry Potter is killed and after that he will want you.”

“If you can obey him and Albus Dumbledore, I can do it for your sake, but what of afterwards?”

“He wants us to have more Death Eaters.”

Emily was a little timid. “What about you, Severus, can you still love me after—after that?”

“My only worry is that he will feel that he cannot get enough of you, as I cannot get enough of you. I should have to fight him for you in that event because I couldn't let him keep you. Never mind though, if Dumbledore's plans work it will never come to that.”

---

Dear Lucky,

I guess you won't want to hear from me after this. Perhaps you don't even want this note. I can't say absolutely nothing, however. All of our years of being friends deserves some acknowledgment of the path things have taken.

I can't argue with what you told me this morning. Neither can I argue with certain facts about which my mother informed me later today. I wish I could tell you everything I know, but I can't. I just beg you to leave a little thought in the back of your mind that not everything is as it seems. Please, for the sake of our long friendship.

You carry your luck within you, and you will be great. I will continue to be proud to have at least been your friend for a while. Someday, when all of this is over, perhaps we can be friends again.

Against that day, I remain in
Hope

---

Not long after Severus had Apparated from their bedroom and Emily was preparing for a night shift at the hospital, Alastor Moody and Rufus Scrimgeour showed up with a squad of Magical Law Enforcement personnel. Most of the wizards and witches started searching the house.

Moody was particularly angry. “We know your husband is here, Mrs. Snape!”

Emily lifted an eyebrow. “You placed the protections yourself, Auror Moody, so that no Death Eater could get into this house. I have not tampered with them. Do you doubt your own work?”

“I'll be checking.”

The Minister of Magic tried to temporize. “We understand that you would want to be loyal to your husband. It must be terrible knowing what he's capable of, Mrs. Snape, but we have to bring him to justice.”

“Justice?” said Emily. “When it comes to how you people deal with my husband, justice is a non-issue. Tell me you want revenge for the death of Albus Dumbledore. Tell me you want to see someone suffer for your own incompetence at the Ministry because you fools couldn't deal with one bad wizard forty-five years ago. That I would believe.”

“Do we need to take you in for questioning, Mrs. Snape?” Both of the men she was facing took a step toward her.

“Do you question my loyalties? After the way you two questioned me the day the Potters were killed and after the way I've patched you both up, time and again, since that day? If I had a grudge or questionable politics I could have hurt you mortally half a dozen times, each, by now. I can honestly say that I don't know where my husband is at this moment. I'm fairly certain that he's alive and safe but I don't know where he is.”

“Has he been here?”

“Auror Moody's own charms have made it impossible for a Death Eater to enter this house.”

“One of the Muggles in your neighborhood said that they saw a dark haired man here today. If it wasn't your husband, who could it have been?”

“Well now you really are making accusations. Perhaps you should ask the Muggle.”

They searched the house thoroughly, scaring Hope and Brendon in the process, and finally left. Emily fixed a quick dinner for herself and her children. An owl came to their kitchen window and Emily unwrapped the scroll. Suddenly she broke into a smile. There was a way to make some things easier, at least. She finished her dinner and left for St. Mungo's, giving Hope strict instructions to come immediately to the hospital with Brendon if anybody other than Grandma, Severus or Emily came to the house while she was gone. They wouldn't be alone long as Emily's mother should be returning from her own shift, soon.

---

The meeting with the Dark Lord was grueling, since he now wanted every detail. The Ministry had put its official version in the Daily Prophet and gossip had started the rounds. He wanted to picture for himself how it was when Dumbledore's lifeless body went over the battlement and fell upon the ground below. Fortunately, there were several Death Eaters willing to fill in the blanks and the wizard who had performed the fatal spell could remain mostly silent.

Severus couldn't tell of the trusting look in Filius's eyes as he asked for help. He couldn't tell of the way the Headmaster looked, obviously completely spent after whatever he and Potter had done that night. He couldn't tell how the Headmaster had plead with him to cast the spell then and there. And he wouldn't tell how it felt to have his wand practically move into position on its own and to have the spell all but pulled from his lips. With what little strength Albus Dumbledore had left, he had somehow impelled Severus to perform the spell.

He let his remaining master see the hatred and revulsion he had experienced on that tower. It was sufficient to satisfy his master. Voldemort was too filled with glee to notice or care about the source of Severus's hatred and revulsion. He only noticed that the deed was done. The servant who had so often puzzled Lord Voldemort had now shown complete loyalty.

There was celebration and merriment of a sort. The Dark Lord brought Severus close and kissed him on both cheeks, presenting him to the group as the greatest of Lord Voldemort's servants. Severus had to stand and receive the accolades of his peers while taking note of the envy and resentment in their eyes.

After it was over, he went to the room indicated as his and lit the candle he found there. He carefully sealed his door and went through the room, looking for anything harmful and dealt with such things as he found them. He took off his robe and removed his coat, loosening his shirt. As he did, he discovered a small book in a pocket of his coat. He recalled that Emily had slid her hand into that pocket as she kissed him goodbye. This, then, was a parting gift from her. He recognized the book at once and his eyes moistened at her wish for him to have something of her when they were apart.

8 September, 1971

Well, another day. Classes are great fun. Flitwick is a dear and McGonagall is nice enough if you're willing to work hard. I don't seem to fit in with the students, though. It's days like today that I miss Daddy the most. I could write to him and he would tell me that it's really not so bad. Somewhere there's a person here who will be my friend. He would probably be right. First I have to get rid of Cousin Stevie. It's like scraping Muggle bubblegum off the bottom of my shoes. He just won't go away. Thank goodness I can escape to Ravenclaw to get away from him.

I did sort of meet someone. There's this boy who hangs around in the library a lot. He must be Slytherin since he's in Herbology with us. He's kind of thin and isn't in the highest quality robes. Most of his books have been used before, too. His face tells me that I want to meet him, even though he's never once looked at me. What is important is that he treats his books, even if they're old, like good friends. I could study with a person like that. I bet he's smart.

So I sat down next to him in the library tonight after dinner, and asked if we could study together. I told him that he looked like he takes his school work seriously and that I did too. He told me the seat I was in was taken and then got up to greet another girl. She's a pretty Gryffindor. Everyone knows her name is Lily Evans. Her hair is more red than brown and her eyes are green. They say James Potter is dead gone over her, but she came to study with this boy. She called him Severus. He kicked my chair, and taking my cue I got up and left the library. My hair is dirt brown and my eyes are a sort of watered-out blue, nothing that interesting. No wonder even a boy like that would rather be friends with her.

He chuckled at the writing of the eleven-year-old Emily. How like herself she had been, even then. She had been so cheerful, even while mourning her father. Suddenly he found himself weeping over the way he mistreated her and he knew it was not just over that. He found parchment and quill and began to write.

My dear wife,

I have just read a portion of your diary in which you introduced yourself to me. I never realized how lonely you must have been in those days, with your father's recent death. I found myself weeping over the way I treated you on that occasion and realized that my remorse for that allowed me to feel remorse for a more recent event. I've been so angry about it, that my hand would be forced in such a way, and grief stricken over the loss of a mentor. I don't know when I shall mail this, but I feel closer to you, having your diary to read and the opportunity to write back. Thank you.

Tapping the letter with his wand, he made the writing disappear. It wouldn't do to have anyone reading what he had written. The next days were filled with various meetings and practice of dueling skills. Severus was consulted by his master about a special skill he was working on. The Dark Lord asked his servant for thoughts on the best way to word and control the spell. Severus made suggestions and memorized the spell for his own potential use. He didn't know when he would ever want to fly without a broom, but it might be useful. When he was allowed time on his own, he again took out Emily's diary.

6 June 1975

I wish Severus would get over the fact that Lily is angry with him. He was studying with me when Avery and Mulciber pranked on Mary MacDonald. I don't know if he's more mad that he was wasting time with me when he could have been along for the fun or if he's mad because Miss Perfect blames him for it.

I won't say Mary had it coming, because what they did was a bit extreme. No one deserves that sort of treatment. I do think she could stand to shut her mouth a bit more often. Enter Lily, protector of everyone who she thinks needs protecting, whether they want it or not. If there's a wrong, she has to right it, even things that maybe don't need righting. Mary was sorted out and the perpetrators were punished. I don't see why Lily even had to jump in. It had nothing to do with her...

15 June 1976

I'm going to wring that girl's neck with my bare hands, if I see her before next fall. She's cruel and heartless and just plain evil. I get that she's not interested in Severus that way. The whole effing school gets it, except him. But to treat him as she has, as if he was just an ungrateful charity case to her that she's decided to drop...words cannot describe. Doesn't she see that she's pushing him further into what she wants him to stay away from?

Why can't she see how great he is and appreciate him for what he is and can do? He's brilliant, and can do any spell in any of our text books, not to mention all of the potions and other problems. He knows everything we could want to know about magic. So, OK, he might not be the best looking guy at school, and he has a relationship with the Dark Arts that's a bit disturbing at times. On the other side he does have that nice voice, and those hands of his are so careful and graceful. Plus he has such a delicate spirit if you take the time to really know him. Perhaps he loves her a little too much, but if she were to be nice to him, maybe that would work out to something more appropriate...

xxxxx

My dear wife,

I continue this letter to you by observing how loyal a friend you have always been to me since we were young. Knowing you as I do now, I'm amazed that it escaped my understanding that you were very much in love with me. Reading your memories reminds me of our experiences and places me back into that time and location. I can recall knowing how improper my feelings for Lily were and wondering how to fix it. You were there all along, showing me how to love without such demands. I wish I had learned to appreciate it when we were that young.

We expect to move to a new location, soon, so I will use one of the owls belonging to this house to send my letter to you. I miss your lips and your hands and the way your arms surround me with your love. I dream of the night when we can be together again. I picture you at the hospital, your hair falling out of its pins and your top buttons undone, biting your lip as you work to give ease to some poor soul. I picture you playing with our children, the light of love in your eyes as you laugh with them. I picture myself unfastening the rest of your buttons and unpinning your hair as I watch the professional Healer become my wife. I ache for you, Emily. Somehow, we will be back together soon.

Your loving husband,
Severus